Friend or Foe?
Exploring the False Dichotomy of Competition
I’ve always thought ‘1’ was a boring and aesthetically displeasing number. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a firm believer in the superiority of two. After all, isn’t everything better in pairs? Obviously I grew up and realized these shapes on paper actually mean something; they denote standing and significance, not just amounts.
As you can probably imagine, I’m not a very competitive person (and I won’t pretend my aversion to the number one has nothing to do with it). I’ve watched how comparison wedges itself between friends, straining bonds. Left unchecked, it turns support into rivalry and collaboration into conflict. While I don’t claim an antidote, exploring this impulse when it emerges helps us better care for our connections, celebrate our peers, and channel our emotions into something more productive.
Women in Business believes in empowering our community through connection. We build on the principle that sharing success fuels collective growth. With this in mind, let's chat!
From Support to Scorekeeping
We’ll begin by deconstructing comparison. If you’re anything like me (i.e. a Business major), then you’re in an environment where opportunities are finite and achievement is highly visible. Even those of us with the best of intentions may find ourselves bogged down, our drive to succeed distorted into a fear of being outdone. From internships to leadership positions, from marks graded on a scale to case competition results; we’re surrounded on all sides by markers of success that serve as invitations to measure ourselves not objectively, but against others. What may have begun as a fun endeavor (or a way to coax yourself out of your shell) quickly devolves into a pressure point. Progress is no longer about personal growth, but keeping pace.
Is there an area of your life where you notice this becoming a problem? Don’t worry, you don’t have to leave any comments! I just want to encourage you to be honest with yourself about your situation (it's the only way to change it). I believe these conversations are necessary because this mindset shows up in our interactions with the people around us, even those we genuinely care about. Friends as reference points, peers as benchmarks; somewhere along the way, encouragement will start to feel sticky. It's important to remember this tension is not a personal failure, but a byproduct of systems that reward individual ranking over shared development. We begin to push back a bit when we ask, where might collaboration serve us better than competition?
Beyond the Binary
The way forward is not to shoo away ambition or pretend comparison is always a bad thing. It’s about being intentional with how we respond to it, redirecting the energy it generates. When we shift our gaze toward sharing insights and mutually supporting one another, we find success doesn’t have to be scarce. We begin to see how celebrating others does not diminish our own progress, and asking for help does not cost us as much as we’re afraid it does. This is how we learn to build with, and not simply build beside. When we commit ourselves to developing true partnerships, instead of guarding our individual plots, we tend to shared gardens; we create an ecosystem where resources, knowledge, and credit are circulated rather than hoarded. Practically speaking, this means we celebrate others intentionally, remain curious, and strive for shared wins. We nourish the soil from which everyone grows!
In the end, the choice is ours. We can allow comparison to isolate us and ambition to divide, or we can channel that same drive into a powerful force to be reckoned with. Sometimes this adjustment can be slow, yes, but there are plenty of opportunities for practice; the next conversation, the next project, both chances for us to see an ally instead of an adversary. This is how we redefine success; not by how often we can win, but how well we can build.
Checklist
Before I let you leave (and hopefully reflect on what you’ve read!) I'd like to offer three practical pieces of advice to carry forward as you go.
1) Be Curious: The first thought that pops into my head when I hear about a major achievement is “how on earth did they do that?” I wonder how differently communities would be formed if we just, well, asked. Obviously no two journeys are the same, but there is always something to be learned from someone else’s success. After all, they must have done something right.
2) Be Generous: How can you better support those around you with your knowledge? Who is someone that deserves their flowers in your circle? Share opportunities when you can, show up to the table without keeping score, and remember that lifting others doesn’t take away from your own momentum.
3) Be Content: Probably the most cliche, easier said than done sentiment ever (but still a necessary one). Be confident in your path, resisting the urge to measure your progress against someone else’s timeline. Take moments to really pause and recognize just how far you’ve come.